I just don’t write, I mean, I write but I stop it half-way. 
And… it happens just now. Not even half-way, it stops at the beginning. 

I want to write but when I actually start writing, my hands just freeze and my head goes blank. 
Like this, like now, where I simply cannot put anything down.

Struggling.
Frustrating so much. 
Then I start to cry. 

This happens a lot to me when it comes to writing.
Even a simple post with a simple content, I cannot even bring myself to write. 

…
..
.

Okay, let’s start again. 

I love writing. I used to write constantly when I was a kid. Growing up in 90s, I blogged a lot and about everything in my life. My blog was my ritual and my safe space. I had so much fun sharing my opinions and experiences while connecting with others to learn their different perspectives and engaging in discussion. It was one of the joyful memories in my life.

Then suddenly, I stopped writing, and had stopped it for almost 10 years. 

It was not a mystery why I stopped though. First, my mental health deteriorated. This crushed my confidence and self-esteem. This also came with the time when I kept hearing feedback like “I don’t understand what you’re saying/writing. Your communication is so bubbling.” from classmates and colleagues. And finally, I began expecting – or rather, pressuring myself – to produce excellent piece of writing with high-valued implications for the world. 

Basically, as I progressed through my studies and career, my confidence just fell down while my expectations for myself was so high, skyrocketing. 

Now, my mental health is recovering, and I’m beginning to believe in myself again. I’ve worked on so many aspects of rebuilding my self-confidence and self-esteem. Writing is one of the core but I haven’t touched it yet. It is just hard to start and mentally exhausting, but I’m not running away from it anymore.

I wanna express myself and opinions once again through writing. 
Hopefully, I will regain my confidence in it and also become a more confident person again. 

I think I’ll end my first post here – with my determination for this blog. 

Now let the journey begin. 

And, YES! I actually finished writing something – finally, yes, finally! 
Progression: 1 out of 100. 

I’m happy now :-D